#I miss being able to write like this
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Take a good look… with Gyo.
#togashi NOT fucking around with the new chapter omg#the way this was only the second most frightening thing I’ve seen today#the first of course being the insane nose dive in animation quality uzumaki took#ah well at least we have episode 1 ✨#but on topic I’m so glad hxh is back and that togashi is not just able to work again but to work at such a high level again 🥰#I don’t even mind Text x Text but like panels like this are why I hate when people say hxh should just finish out as a novel#the writing in hxh is solid but the way its art shifts around from sketchy and playful to detailed and horrifying is one of its many charms#and is something the anime adaptation actually really misses out on in the name of uniform character modeling#togashi’s versatility as an artist is so wonderful and is a huge part of why I also suggest reading hxh even if you’ve seen the anime#hxh#hunter x hunter#hxh spoilers#hunter x hunter spoilers#hxh 401#if I didn’t have work tomorrow I would’ve spent more time and effort redrawing the bits where there were bubbles#but you get this hasty edit instead lmao
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excited to start my new job on tues but im also kind of mourning the loss of my freedom LOL..... like noooo what do you mean im going to be spending most of my life working a fulltime job, that was my art making/fanfic writing time
#im hoping i'll still have the energy to work on fanfic and art throughout the week#i really want to finish minibug soon#text post#im still mad abt my old job letting ALL of its employees go like. that was the perfect job duuuude i loved it#and could write fanfic/draw on the clock jsdfjsdf#i havent evne been unemployed that long but ngl despite the soul crushing depression from having no job + no money#i really enjoyed having all that free time to be creative#will i miss not having money? HELL NO#will i miss being able to do whatever i want every day and spend most of my time working on art and writing? YES 😭😭😭
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oh no! the fantasy character with dark hair and scarred facial features is actually about to be taken prisoner and tortured!! again!!
#whump#whump writing#whumpblr#whump prompt#whump ideas#whump prompts#troy talks#tehehe#i missed being able to spew my deranged thoughts#anyway i’m rereading eragon#damn i remember being 12 and so so jealous of christopher paolini#good to see i’ve matured (i can read the book without being consumed by my own inability to write like him)#whump community#suffering#angst#writing#characters
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me stubbornly forcing myself to drink green tea and rest from my THIRD COLD THIS MONTH
#i am so fucking tired of being ill#is it not enough that i have a chronic illness and chronic pain condition all the time anyway???#ughhh#i'm grateful because i at least managed to get to (most) of the gigs i wanted to this month#but other than that i've literally just been stuck in bed unable to do anything and my brain is starting to melt with boredom#idk how i can still not be well enough to write or absorb myself in reading a good book or fanfic or even be on here properly#but my brain feels like MUSH and it's so frustrating#i miss my little four walls men so much 😩#i miss being able to see the sky and see my friends and taste the food i eat#sorry i know i'm complaining#i just needed to vent for a moment#it's been such a shit few months anyway and i was already in a really rough spot with my mental/physical health for a number of reasons#so this just feels like the last straw#universe please let me feel a little better soon#i have things i want to do and people i want to talk to and fics i want to write#oh how nice it must be to live in a body that isn't constantly impaired in some way 🤦♀️#lulu posts
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Confession #385
#rwby#doomalade#penny polendina#spoilers#volume 8#writing#I mean we have gone through this before here but I do have to wonder what they were thinking#bringing her back without any real setbacks (other than Pietro not being able to possibly build her again)#like idk... if u have to bring her back make her memory being erased or missing or something#~oo watts stole the memory disc we have to get it back~#oh no the gang didnt realised watts had installed malware there no Penny is getting hacked!!!!! ;_;#but yeah#why make her human? wasnt she human enough the way she was..?#Ironwood losing his humanity after having more robotic parts in him and this kinda makes a eeugghh bad look#xyz coding#trans allegory#winter maiden#also yeah there could be some dramatic irony in healer having to kill a friend/ally but cmon guys please anyone else pl-
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Anyone else have periods where you just can't bring yourself to watch supernatural? Like, you miss the characters and want to watch them again but at the same time you just can't?
#frustrating :/#I also don't feel like reading or writing fic so I'm stuck in this place of missing them but not being able to do anything about it#supernatural#spn#there's also the fact that I'm still figuring out how to engage with certain media without having a certain person in my life anymore to#share that with#but that couldn't POSSIBLY be related right...
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I see there's posts floating around directly and blatantly arguing against mine (same wording) by completely misunderstanding what I said. I'm fucking BACK, babey. Should've bought some hay-scented fragrance while I was at Sephora today, because I am once again your strawman!
#yes Lucanis has been told what he's going to do with his life for his entire life and has not been able to make a lot of choices for himself#this has no bearing on how he has no moral issue with killing people for money#which is what I was saying: he has no moral issue with killing people for money and some of you are clearly uncomfortable with that#because you're bending over backward to insist that he does actually deep inside have an issue with being a contract killer#when it is INCREDIBLY clear and he discusses this multiple times that he does not have any issue with being paid to stab people to death#I can't even discuss other aspects of Lucanis because you're all so unwilling to accept the specific point I'm making#which is that the text makes it incredibly clear that Lucanis does not have any issue with being killer for hire#he has no issue with the “killing people as a profession that he engages in”#he flat out dismisses the idea that there is any moral issue to be had when Emmrich and Davrin ask him about it#you all want him to have a moral issue with the core premise of “killing people” because you struggle with the idea he does not have one#because you're all very convinced that if he chose for himself that he would choose to have an issue with murder#but he doesn't#when he engages in what you consider “making it more palpable” to him it is actually not related to the murder at all#in fact the things he does extra isn't even un-Crow-like necessarily—it's just making things more complicated and less efficient#by avoiding doing things that are not part of the contract and thus aren't necessary to do even if it would make it easier#it is still not an issue with performing murders for money!#I know I'm repeating myself a lot here but people really are doing Olympic floor gymnastics routines to avoid what I'm trying to say#which is that the text is very clear Lucanis does not have a moral issue with the part of his job where he is hired to kill people#(also to that refutation asserting that Lucanis's “enjoyment” is derived from going after objectively bad people#how did you miss the part where Lucanis HATES it when people say that when THEY kill it's Noble And Good only)#(Also his contracts are not strictly Venatori. He has a specialty but he very much states he has non-Venatori and non-mage contracts)#DATV things#anyway I should write a follow-up post
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Silm Advent calendar 4: Beard*
Warnings: sort of a small panic attack in PoV. Implications of… well, we are seeing Celebrimbor post-reembodiment. So you can estimate. But only implications.
"I wish I could see them again," said Celebrimbor. "The Dwarves, I mean." It was still somewhat strange to speak with words.
Mahtan smiled. "I wish I could see one of them too."
Right. Great-grandfather hadn't ever met any of the Khazad, obviously. Because he had enough common sense to not leave. Obviously. Celebrimbor looked at him. "I'm sorry."
Mahtan laughed and continued leading him down the stony corridors of Lord Aulë's mansion.
Assuming that he could continue the conversation, Celebrimbor said "I've always wondered, and Narvi too—how it is with beards? Are they something Lord Aulë invented, or...?" He trailed off. It seemed a stupid question.
And yet, his great-grandfather was not offended. He stroked his own—meticulously braided— beard, and spoke. "I've always assumed it was his thing, as I had not grown mine before I became his apprentice. But now of course they say the Men have those too— they do, right? It's not another thing Pengolodh made up?"
"Oh yes, they do have beards. Some quite impressive."
They went down another set of stairs, the corridor was windowless and illuminated with lamps. It felt like home, but safer.
"Mhm. See, Tyelpe, we're somewhat secluded here. Nor Tuor, nor of course Earendil had one, so... Anyway, I'm sure you'll grow it eventually."
"I don't— I mean, the fact that I could work with— Despite everything— It's just so much more than I could ever deserve."
Mahtan laughed again—a deep, rolling laughter that felt in place in those stone halls. "You will need to get accustomed to working with people who aren't— nasty."
The forge noises became louder, discouraging further dialogue. Not long after, they reached an arched gate, leading to a huge workshop, where Maiar and Elves worked, and of course, in the center, the Smith himself.
All the hammers stopped and the room went silent. Celebrimbor bowed deeply, barely daring to look at the Vala.
Lord Aulë smiled. "Come, you two. Mahtan, my friend, we've moved your things already. Tyelperinquar, I'm so glad to see you. I— I still don't understand your kind well, but Mahtan said you won't be offended— it is the best workplace after all." As the two Elves came closer, he spoke more quietly. "As an apology."
In the centre of the forge, next to Lord Aulë's huge, carved stone workbench with mithril top, stood two others, smaller, but even more ornate. One, to which Mahtan walked and began checking the tools, was made of bright white stone carved in intricate geometric patterns, parts of which seemed moveable. The other one — apparently meant for Celebrimbor — was a gold square design of perfect four-fold symmetry, with the tools sorted by size and type. While not dusted—nothing in Aman was—it was long unused, judging from types of the tools. There was a peculiar beauty to it, like—
His head went light and he grasped the edge of the golden table— than let it go immediately— if that was to be his apology, he'd have to bear it— he was better now, after years in Mandos—and yet, the very memory—
Mahtan held him like he used to do when Tyelpe was a small boy visiting his forge with the same fascination as his father and grandfather before.
"Shhh. It's all right. It is all right—" he repeated louder. "He will get over it, just give us a moment." He turned his face back to Celebrimbor, whispering: "It's all right. You don't have to, if you don't want to."
"But…. My apology—"
Great-grandfather held him tighter. "Not your apology, Tyelpe. Lord Aulë meant it as his apology to you. He felt like he owed it, especially as there's nobody else to apologize to you now, I think. But let's not get there. It is— we both thought that it would be a kind of justice to give it to you. I'm sorry. You don't have to."
The tightnes in Celebrimbor's chest slowly dissipated. "No, I— I appreciate it, and it would make him so angry and that's good, just— could I maybe reorder it a little. Not much, just…."
He spoke softly, unsure if it was worse to ask Lord Aulë if he could change the designs of his Maia (well, back then), or to talk in private when he was nearby. but apparently it was not soft enough, as the Vala replied him.
"Of course. You can change anything you like. It's yours."
A few days of work later, when Aulë again returned to his forge, he looked at Celebrimbor's workbench—now not as perfectly symmetrical, and carved in rows of Dwarven runes.
He smiled. "It looks alive. I missed it."
#tw panic attack#sort of#silm#silmarillion#tolkien legendarium#the silm#the silmarillion#silm advent calendar#cheated with the prompt again (well not “again” for you because i wrote this one after a later one)#also the drawing and the fic aren't as related as usually#yes tyelpe got mairon's workbench#yes it was unused for all the time#yes it's not canon for mairon to ever have been in valinor but i liked the idea so i'm winging it for this fic#yes tyelpe got reembodied @ destruction of the ring#yes mahtan got saruman's workbench#because those two were jerks and those two are nice and deserve some appreciation#tyelpe and his trauma#why does tyelpe come off so awkward when i write him???#he deserves a beard#he deserves a lot of hugs#that too#also: yes i suppose mahtan would use a stronger word than “nasty” if tyelpe wasn't there XD#sauron you are nasty and you will get dissed and tyelpe will get your cool workbench and carve dwarven stuff on it because you deserve it#and in case you missed it: yes mahtan is totally going to see a dwarf relatively soon#i feel like more than half times when characters complain on not being able to ever do/experience a thing in my fic—#:)#rambling in the tags#also yay i used quenya names in dialogue! [pats herself on the head]#silm shortfic#eri draws
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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nah but it's so wild because like. It's almost a normal 'sibling growing up' story, where you understand why the younger ones feel betrayed and abandoned, but it hurts to see their anger or closing off directed at the older sibling who literally just went through a normal developmental stage. But then they both grow a little and it all smooths out even better than it was until a few years down the road you got the second half, where the older sibling feels betrayed by the person they've always seen as a kid becoming their peer and standing more on their own. And it's all understandable and it all hurts and it all smooths over.
Except with tmnt 2007 they're all adults together and Splinter really said 'It's time for Leo to go on a journey of self-discovery, he needs opportunities for further growth and he shouldn't be relying on us anymore. The rest of you should go outside less but I guess you can have jobs if you want.'
like bro they would've been on that journey together, the 'growing up without me' angst was literally unnecessary because they were all growing up. At the same time. Together.
Being the most skilled and obedient student was the only mark of maturity Splinter was willing to recognize when his sons were all becoming adults in front of him and he manufactured a divide that literally did not need to exist
#there are other things they needed to resolve#but honestly a lot of those things could still be traced back to splinter trying to use competition to motivate them#'i've chosen one of you who is the best and he's the only one who's allowed to grow up#in the meantime he's not even nice to leo#gives him no guidance about what he's supposed to get out kf his training#no warning that the ancient one is going to be so harsh to him#doesn't try to go after him or check in on him when he stops writing??#i see a lot of 'why didn't his brothers go after him' in leo angst fics and yeah but like. why didn't his father#why didn't the adult who is in fact his father go after him when he was gone for an entire extra year#wha the heck is going on there?#03 splinter would never#and i can only assume that the way he walks in to see donnie getting yelled at and about to punched and responds with#'donatello why aren't you being strong where your brothers are weak? our family is lost if you don't take the fall for everything'#is indicative of how he normally treats leo and sure enough the second something goes wrong he's#yelling at his son who just got back from being missing for a year#blaming him for not being able to control a team that splinter has made minimal effort to preserve while he's bee away#and also why does Splinter even want Leo to control his other sons#and we see both Raph and Mikey hurting so much from being overlooked#I wonder if they know how the lack of attention is a layer of protection#i wonder if that's part kf why they're so angry about it. because they're protective of leo and later donnie#and if so probably in a subconscious way#that's enough tags yellow
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81 pics in my part 30 folder, 38 made it into the chapter itself 😂
i might cut down the sexy stuff, idk, the chapter is 7.2k words before editing lmfao, and when i edit i usually add more to each scene
but also who is gonna complain about a longer sex scene? 😂
much 2 ponder
gonna try to get this edited over the weekend!!! 😤
catch up before the next chapter drops~!
#mine#ts2#sims 2#the sims 2#sims#simblr#ofmd#gentlebeard#ofmd sims#breathing underwater#mermaids#me looking at ed's back like hmmm something is missing........#lmfao i took off the trust no one on his back because i was like idk why mermaid ed would have human writing on him.....#idk in my mind merfolk know the human languages that are common around their habitat and can speak them#but most don't bother to learn to read it#i actually had a whole different plan for ed to turn human pre s2#and it involved lucius sending messages in bottles and fang being able to read them because he actually used to be human#and he was going to teach ed how to change w mermadic kelp (sims universe stuff)#but thankfully s2 gave me a much better way to do this#but anyway i have all these Thoughts abt mermaids and their language and how they communicate underwater but i can't rly Articulate them#sso many ideas in my head and no way to make them into words 😔#maybe someday i wont ramble on and on in the tags#but not today!!!!!!
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i miss when i was writing khr meta on the regular and being unwell about it on here with you guys. i think i like having the time and energy to be chronically online actually
#ramblings#should i reblog my greatest hits#i still get new followers every now and then despite my unofficial (semi) hiatus#but you guys missed the best of my khr brainrots when i was actually on here and posting/reblogging stuff#also i want to be writing so badly too 😭#like i know the last thing i wrote wasn't too long ago#but i miss being able to write with the same frequency as before#but i guess i'm earning money in the meantime 😔#fingers crossed i should be able to get myself a new computer in september#and then ideally you'll all see guys#anyway. hi guys <3 i miss you and i love you and i hope you're all doing all right <3
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Don’t know why I keep getting hate comments on things, maybe I’ll just melt away into a puddle forever how about that
#mayliz rambles#wow my motivation for writing is completely gone#I miss writing for old imterests where the people were nicer#could just be me not being able to read tone like ever ;-;#someone called my writing “f-ing disturbing but in a good way” how does one take that in a good way when it comes to an agere fic#probably wouldn’t bother me so much if this wasn’t the third comment this week
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#i just need to vent abt this ok pls don’t yell at me or tell me im being ungrateful#but tfw u have almost 500 asks sitting in ur inbox and u literally don’t know what to do with them😀#the guilt that eats away at me because im not getting to what people say to me gets so bad sometimes#like you guys all have such great things to say and i want to be able to respond but there’s just such a large volume i get overwhelmed#and ive been so busy lately they’ve piled up bad#and ive even been missing ones from mutuals which i feel so bad about#im so sorry guys i really am like pls don’t abandon me im sorry ANDJJJSJ#and i just like. esp my regular anons i feel bad because i don’t mean to ignore you but stuff just gets lost#and the worst part is that if im spending hours on asks then im not writing fic#and im so behind on fic too#so. im not excelling in anything currently msdnskdjskdjskdjskdksks#el oh el#sorry i just needed that off my chest#i love u guys i appreciate you all seriously#delete later#🙏🙏🙏
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just found out that jungkook interacts with people who aren’t me
#cold cruel world out there tsk tsk#also lil life update friends !#working full time n going to school full time n also doing extracurricular activities is really not the move#i struggle w toxic productivity and it’s really really destroyed my mental and physical health#so ive busted my behind to save up enough money#to be able to support myself on a part time work schedule until i graduate woohoo !#hoping to have more time to indulge in hobbies#which includes being on here and writing and interacting#i miss you all dearly#ty for everything#like the fact that yall still send sweet things in my inbox when ive been p inactive for like this whole year is super nice and sweet and ye#im sorry i haven’t been responding#but i read them and they do make my day and i love you#and i hope to pick things up again soon#glimpse of us is going to be a banger i fear#ive sat on it for so long that ive perfected this storyline#from metaphors to small details to foreshadowing to non linear storytelling that all forms together in the ends yep#just need to write it which is the hard part 👉👈#but im excited#this the type of story to leave you in a funk for a few days lol and im so excited to share#hope you’re all doing well#and you are also prioritizing your health and well-being#you deserve time for yourself#not even deserve tbh#it’s legit a necessity like pls#you deserve it
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you
#my art#lies of p#pinocchio#lies of p fanart#sketchin hims on the old setup i miss being able to zoom in easily 💀#something about long dark hair black cat uniform and like the isle of the alchemists just really tickles my fancy#idk why i said tickles my fancy i mustve been really tired writing these tags sorry#Q
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